Quick Temp Check of the Mentals

Quick tempertature check of where the mentals are. I leave with mom and Joe in 5 days for Scotland. I am less nervous about my stomach on the flight and on the trip than I am for making sure that the hotels, rental car, and ferry tickets are all squared away. We fly out late Friday night for London then have a three hour layover then land in Glasgow around 8:30 PM local time. Should be a fun trip. I think everything will be ok. 

Self esteem isn't doing to well. I think my hair is thinning on the crown and my hairline is creeping up. Once I am back from Scotland I am going to reach out to a doctor to see my options on meds. Going bald at 26 isn't the thing I want to do. If there are meds that have a low risk of side effects I am going to give them a try and reasses in 6 months. 

Friendships are still going ok. J and I are still very close. M is prioritizing spending time with coworkers vs me and other college friends. Thats ok. That just means that I need to start trying to expand my social circle. 

Career wise I am doing well. I applied literally last minute for an open paralegal position at work. I was offered an interview and was very nervous for it. Turns out they liked me enough in the interview that I have now been offered the job. Hopefully I transition into the new role well and am able to continue to broaden my skillset and network. A guy I met at the Mariner's happy hour was an old paralegal and now works at a tech company making a decent amount of coin. So maybe in a few years from now that's what I'll be doing. Who knows. 

A Review of Pushkin Hills by Sergei Dovlatov

 

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Divorced alcoholic takes up a job at the Pushkin Hills tourist site. He is a failed writer. Some really good prose here and some very funny moments. I wish we got more out of the supporting characters but I guess it is better to leave them wanting more. Second Russian book in a row I've read where the description of the hard drinking makes my stomach turn. Weary eyes, foul taste in your mouth and a headache to end all headaches.

"The only honest path is the path of mistakes, disappointments and hopes. Life is the discovery of the boundaries of good and evil through personal experience. There is no other way. I have arrived somewhere...I think it's not too late..."

"All my life I had detested active behavior of any kind. To my ear, the word "activist" sounds like an insult. I lived in the passive voice, so to speak, allowing circumstances to take the lead. This help me find justification for everything."

Provincal Russia for some reason is one of those mystical places for me. Funny characters and always something going on.

A Review of A Girl in Exile: Requiem for Linda B. by Ismail Kadare

 

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Another Albanian book read.

I hate totalitarian regimes. You see the paranoia, fear, and pain that everyday Albanians went through during the time in which their country was run by a dictator in this book.

Rudian Stefa is an Albania playwright that is called into questioning by government investigators. The reason why is that one of his books was found belonging to a young woman who recently killed herself. The government being its totalitarian self investigates suicides to see is there are any strange doings involved in them. Especially suicides that are done by someone who has been interned. Interned meaning that someone (sometimes whole families) who have been banished from the capital city of Tirana and forced to live in exile in small communities far from anywhere. They live in these small towns and have to check in every night with the police to ensure that they haven't left. "For Linda B., a souvenir from the author" is what was signed by Rudian in Linda B's book (the girl who has killed herself). He had signed it a few months prior when Linda's friend, Migena, came to a Tirana book signing. She got it signed for Linda because Linda is obsessed with Rudian. She reads about him, listens to radio shows about him, and watches any news involving him. It is her way of escaping her village and her oppression.

Migena and Rudian start a relationship a few months after the book signing after Migena reaches out to Rudian. Rudian can't just let the suicide go. A young woman is dead who had written about him in her diary and was obsessed with him. He wants to know why she killed herself. Rudian searches for an answer, talks to Migena, reaches out to the investigator who had originially questioned him, and has dreams about Linda.

We find out why she took he own life. She had to get out of her village. She prayed for cancer to appear in her breasts so that she would be qualified to go to Tirana for treatment. She prayed that the government would end her family's exile. She got neither. Rudian falls in love with Linda B. He dreams about her, wants to marry her post mortem. He thinks of old mythology and the meaning behind them. One being when Orpheus going to hell to rescue Eurydice. He must not look back for her on the way out no matter how tempting the thought be. The book ends five years after it started. Rudian is at a book signing. In line are Migena and her new fiance, the investigator from before, old friends, and a few celebrities.

A sweet voice said for the second time, "Can you inscribe it with my name?" "Of course," he replied. Before He raised his head the unknown girl said her name; "Linda B."

Don't.

There was only this exclamation inside him, nothing else.

He doesn't look up.

He signs the book "For Linda B., a souvenir from the author." and hands it back to woman.

"The girl took it in her hand and just for a moment their cold fingers touched in that dark void."

A Shoutout to Leon Wyczółkowski

I am a fan of realism and impressionism paintingss. Leon Wyczółkowski is one of those artists that really capture the beauty of everday life. Wyczółkowski was born in Wola Miastkowska in 1852. 

Self Portait, 1911.

Plowing in the Ukraine, 1892.

View of Mountains from the Porch of a Forester's House by the Road to Lake Morskie Oko, 1903.

Head of Christ, 1878.

I am currently workshopping a trip to Poland for sometime 2024. One item of the iteneray that will be included is a trip to the Sukiennice Museum, as well as the National Museum in Krakow. 

Review of A Hell of a Woman by Jim Thompson

 

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I have had a book by Jim Thompson on my "to read" list for quiet a while now. I think 3 or 4 years at this point. I finally got around to reading one of his books. I'll be honest. I chose this book out of the 8 or so books by him that my library had because it was the shortest. I was checking out 5 books at once and would only have 21 days to read all of them. I wanted a quick read. While this book is shorter than most books these days it is still packed. Here we have a main character Frank "Dolly" Dillon. A door to door salesman for Pay-E-Zee. He has got a prick for a boss and a wife that never has dinner waiting for him when he gets home. Classic 1950s America. One day he stumbles upon an old bag of a woman prostituting her niece out. He is furious. He sells some silverwear to the old bag in exchange for "sleeping" with her niece. In reality he is devising a plan. A plan to get her out of there. He shows up to the employer of someone who is skipping out on payments and gets the money from him but marks it in his ledger and being the money for the silverwear. This lands him in some hot water. His boss, Staples, goes over his books and realizes that he has been stealing from the company for a while now and calls the cops. Dolly is now in jail. A few days pass and his "wife" pays Staples the money to get him to drop the charges. But it turns out that it isnt his wife. His wife, Joyce, left Dolly a few days ago. The payee is the niece, Mona.

Dolly finds out that the money Mona used is from her aunt's stash of around 100k in pure cash. He wants the money. He decides that he is going to set up Pete Hendrickson, the flake who he collected from. He is going to set up Pete to take the fall for the old hag's murder and Pete is going to get killed in the process.

Two murders later. The cops don't suspect a thing. Mona and Dolly have to lie low for a while and the 100k is burning a hole in Dolly's pocket. He fakes sales using the money and continues to lie low...and then his wife comes back. She is back from Kansas City. She wants to try again. She and Dolly are a happy go lucky husband and wife for a few days until she finally can't take it anymore and has to know where Dolly got the money from. Joyce tries to leave. She can't stand the lying. Dolly trying to stop her from leaving pulls a classic move from Of Mice and Men and accidentally kills her (and their unborn child) and buries her in the coal of a coal train near their apartment. Three murders under his belt now (4 including the baby).

And then Staples shows up. Staples is wise to the whole thing. He knows Dolly has got the money and gets is from him. He outsmarts him and tells him to screw. Not before giving him close to 1000 dollars. So old Dolly hits the road with Mona in tow.

He berates Mona. He yells at her and calls her a tramp. All the while he is having to lie low because Joyce's body is found and traced to him. Mona can't take it. She jumps in front of a truck and is killed. Dolly moves on.

Meanwhile Staples has started to spend the money (money from a ransom paid for when Mona was kidnapped as a child). The cops are on him. They bust him and dont believe his story about how he got the money. They charge him with the aunt's murder, Pete's murder, Mona's murder, and Dolly's suspected murder.

Dolly has since hooked up with a new lady and the story ends with a mysterious scene with Dolly, his new lady, a pair of scissors, and Dolly leaping out a window.

Really good. Thompson writes with power that catches you off guard and smacks you right in the Face. Dime Store Dostoyevsky is a fantastic nickname too.

Review of Moscow to the End of the Line by Venedikt Erofeev

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Not even sure how to review this book. Reminds me of Heart of a Dog. A drunk's trip from Moscow to the town of Petushki to see his son and the kid's mom. He meets people on the train, talks to angels, speaks about God, and dreams of succeeding from the USSR and declaring war on Norway. This book is strange. You can taste the booze on your tongue while reading this. You can feel your head ache and your feet trip over themselves from drink while reading this book. Poor guy. Sounds like Erofeev and the narrator of the book (also named Venedikt Erofeev) are sad men. Dead drunk not able to make it more than 1 train stop without having to raid their suitcase full of liquor. Spoilers ahead. He eventually makes it to Petushki but is asleep and doesn't get off at his stop. By the time he completes the loop and makes it back to Moscow he is being chased and attached by 4 men. He comes face to face (literally gets his head slammed into the side of one of the walls) with the Kremlin (a building that not once has he seen during any of his numerous drunken walks around Moscow). He ends the story with a murder via an awl. The narrator's murder at the end made me think of Jesus Christ's crucifixion. Not sure if that is what Erofeev was going for but that is what I got.

I get that it is a comedy book and is a satire but man it was sometimes hard to get there mentally. This man is dead drunk pretty much every waking moment. He waits outside liquor stores for them to open, he orders brandy at restaurants at 9 AM. He is a mess. Meanwhile he has got a son and a partner waiting for him in Petushki. 

Review of Spring Flowers, Spring Frost by Ismail Kadare

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This was an interesting book. To me the story boils down to post communist Albania getting its legs under it. 10 years after the fall of communism in Albania what direction will Albania turn. Will it start turn towards the west. Both good and bad (NATO, European laws, bank robberies, having to lock up your possessions due to theft). Or will it turn back towards its older self with the good and bad that came with that (the Kanun, revenging blood, etc). We see a little of both. We see a bank robbery rock the local comunity and people reacting to it as it is so out of place. We also see a blood fued come to head, the Kanun being discussed, and even a woman's pubic hair preference being discussed.

Sometimes this book was hard to understand, sometimes easy, sometimes poignant. I have another one of Kadare's book checked out right now and am planning on reading it soon. Hell, I might even read all of his works my library has.

Review of Blood Meridian, or, the Evening Redness in the West By Cormac McCarthy

Extreme violence and convouluted sentences fill this book. A tree of dead babies, scalp afet scalp cut off from the heads of Indians. The only character that was flushed out was The Judge. He was a creepy hairless albino who stood near 7 feet tall, spoke several languages, was versed in law, played the fiddle, and could dance. Oh and he was extremely violent. The preacher near the begining of the book who calls The Judge the devil was right.

I just couldn't get into this book. Felt repetative at time and the vioence was overdone in my opinion. I have greatly enjoyed some of McCarthy's other books but I just couldn't enjoy this book as much as I had hoped. I think the vocab choice was also an area that this book missed. Using archaic words that at a certain point I stopped caring to look up made me probably lose some of the story.

There was some brilliant prose in this book (like the description of the coals in the fire), and scenes that are creepy (coin trick) and scenes that are scary (Judge searching for the Kid), and scenes that are boring. I will probably try rereading this book in the future to see if it sticks with me more then.